Shit is wild....
Life moves so fast. Life switches gears so many times, as well. One minute, you're having the time the life without a care in the world. The next minute, you find yourself trying your hardest to hold back tears. The next minute after that your looking back on both situations, in a random state of mind. One of my favorite things to say is "you live and learn." That's all I really want to do. I'm not the type of guy to worry or stress over something till I explode, because I know for majority of anything that would put me in that position, there's nothing I can do about what I did to get in the position, nor is there anything I can usually do to change the outcome.
I feel like that's a really good quality of mine, but I also feel like it has a bad effect on me, as well. When you think like that, you tend to develop a "fuck it" mentality. I'm too calm in situations where I should probably be more focused on and taking an initiative. Which most likely the reason I'm not in school right now. The reason I haven't started and put certain things into motion yet that would greatly improve my future. Is it because I just dont care?......
No. Or at least I don't like to think so. This honestly might be the happiest I have ever been (not counting my years before the age of 16, aka "the good old days"), but in all actuality, I'm really in the worst position I've ever been in. Maybe its because I "know" it will all work out and I'll be right back on my track to success. Or maybe I just lack something. Something that the average person has. A quality that doesn't let them forget that shit is fucked up...............
*takes long blank stare at the screen*
Like I said shit is wild..
I guess the good thing about that is that I remain a positive person. I'd much rather be that than a negative person....*decides to change the subject*
I really wish I could see myself 5 years from now. I honestly have NO clue where I will be or what I will be doing with my life. Which pretty much tells me that I still haven't found myself. I'm too universal. Still haven't found my lane, I'm just swervin' all over the freeway. I would expect in 5 years that I'd be in my lane by then. Doing something that I love to do and really good at. I feel like a blank story book. No direction, no plot, no genre, but all the potential in the world......
I like that.. and on that note.... I'm going to end this. I hope you enjoyed reading some of the insane shit that runs through my head everyday. Have a good night......(Btw, not gonna reread this because I feel like if I do, I'll change everything and it will be totally different, so bare with any typos. I apologize)
AyVee
No comments:
Post a Comment