So uhh...

What's next?

Been doing "this" for awhile and..

Fuck texts.

I know you and me be wild'n..

Fuck rest.

Why sleep when we could be diving in..

Rough sex.

***************

I don't get enough of embarrassing myself, so here's some shit to humiliate me with..

Thanx.

Sobriety...

Is ass.

I don't think its a bad thing to prefer not being sober. I'm an overthinker. That combined with boredom or just too much time on my hands could be dangerous.

Mentally.

When I'm drunk or high... I feel not only better, but almost more comfortable than I am sober. First thought may be this guy has a problem but that's definitely not the case. I don't need alcohol or weed to go about my day or to simply feel better about myself. However, they are something that can help slow my mind down and let me just take the world for what it is.

And for the record, it's not like at 11am I'm craving a drink (although, a doob is acceptable at all times). After a long day, especially the days when I haven't done a damn thing (which happens a lot considering I work like 16 year old) my mind is fucking drained from thinking about how much I've fucked my life up.

Of course, it could be worse. It's not like I've put myself in a position that I can't get out of. But it's depressing to know that with more effort I could be in a completely different situation.

You live and you learn.

I'm done preaching. Back to the topic at hand. I can write and be creative when I'm sober but I don't know if something like this could be done. After a few drinks I want to get these types of thoughts and feelings out of my head. Instead of keeping the shit in or worrying too much about mother fuckers thinking I'm crazy, I just do it.

*sips wine*

That's about it, yo. Let's get fucked up and live freely.

YOLO.

smh

A New Direction

I know I haven't done much at all on the site the past two years but that's going to change soon. As you can see I've changed some things up on the site and plan on bringing a little different content for now on. As opposed to being a chronicle of my life, I'm going to use this as a platform to get out my views and feelings on things that I probably wouldn't normally say on the internet or out loud, in general.

Fuck it.

[Wiz Khalifa] I keeps it real, nothin' like these actors do [/Wiz Khalifa]

AyVee

I Love This Blog

It been months, probably almost a year, since my last blog post. After I disappeared from blogosphere so many times and lost all the followers the blog had, I felt that the run was over. I thought it was no use to put time and effort into something that wasn't what it used to be. Not saying this blog was "Nah Right" or something like that but I did have a nice following for awhile. Anyway, I visited the site for the first time in forever yesterday and I realized how proud I was of this blog. Its the one thing I've done in my life that I did with no help, ideas, advice, whatever from anyone. It was all me. The phrase "Passion & Distraction" still means as much to me as it did in '08 when I made it. My life is almost a 180 degrees different from what it was back then. I was 18 years old, living on my own, going to a school with 25,000 other students, in a long-term relationship with my high school sweetheart, addicted to a video game, and basically trying to find who I really was. Now, I'll be 21 in just a little over a month, back in Jeffersonville living with my mom, my bro and sister, I go to a community college with less than 2,000 students, I'm way more social than I was 2 years ago, I've been single for over a year and a half and I think I have a pretty good idea of what type of man I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

Needless to say, things have changed. For the better, in my opinion. But with that said, lately I've been on some other shit. I've been thinking about how "alone" I am now. I'm not really lonely, but just alone in the sense that I'm really on my own in this place we call Earth. All of my friends have a girlfriend, or some sort of friend that they can confide to. I have friends, a lot of them, some really good close friends, but for whatever reason I still feel like there's no one out there that completely understands me. Not saying there is THAT much to me, but I really don't have that go-to person, like most of friends, who I can tell anything to and know they will not only be judge free, but understand me.

I told you I been on some other shit lol...

*attempts to finish the above paragraph.... twice*

lol What I got from the last 2 paragraphs I just deleted is that..... I want a girlfriend. That's tough for me to say because I honestly don't know if I can handle it, but I think that's what's been wrong with me, lately. I don't know, I just need to put more effort into getting to know some the girls I know, with potential, better...

I'm ending this entry with that. Who knows when the next post will be, maybe sooner than I think, especially if I get some feedback on this. Whatever, I'm out..

AyVee

Kiddo

Straight outta the Ville is my dude named Kiddo. We went to high school together and honestly, dude been nice for years. He released his first solo mixtape last summer titled "I Make Music" and is currently working on putting out some more fire real soon. He also just announced that he'll be opening up for Young Dro in Bloomington, IN on April 21, so after you listen to homie, if you like what you hear you should definitely check him out. Here's the link to his mixtape and a few other tracks that he shitted on.

Download: "I Make Music" the mixtape

Listen/Download: "Are You Ready" Ft. Lashea

Listen/Download: "Manie Fresh"

Listen/Download: "Hat to da Back"

You can follow Kiddo on twitter @Kiddo2g and you can find him on Facebook as Kiddo. If you feelin' my nigga then make sure you get at him and give him some feedback. Always support the local artist!!!!!........Well the ones that deserve support lol (no shots)... Holla at me Kid, I got you!

AyVee

Been kinda zoning all night and now I feel like writing. I have no clue what I should write about or even take this but I'm just gonna let me fingers take me there. Be prepared for intense rambling and a lot of "wtf's" coming from under your breath......Here goes nothin'...

Shit is wild....

Life moves so fast. Life switches gears so many times, as well. One minute, you're having the time the life without a care in the world. The next minute, you find yourself trying your hardest to hold back tears. The next minute after that your looking back on both situations, in a random state of mind. One of my favorite things to say is "you live and learn." That's all I really want to do. I'm not the type of guy to worry or stress over something till I explode, because I know for majority of anything that would put me in that position, there's nothing I can do about what I did to get in the position, nor is there anything I can usually do to change the outcome.

I feel like that's a really good quality of mine, but I also feel like it has a bad effect on me, as well. When you think like that, you tend to develop a "fuck it" mentality. I'm too calm in situations where I should probably be more focused on and taking an initiative. Which most likely the reason I'm not in school right now. The reason I haven't started and put certain things into motion yet that would greatly improve my future. Is it because I just dont care?......

No. Or at least I don't like to think so. This honestly might be the happiest I have ever been (not counting my years before the age of 16, aka "the good old days"), but in all actuality, I'm really in the worst position I've ever been in. Maybe its because I "know" it will all work out and I'll be right back on my track to success. Or maybe I just lack something. Something that the average person has. A quality that doesn't let them forget that shit is fucked up...............

*takes long blank stare at the screen*

Like I said shit is wild..

I guess the good thing about that is that I remain a positive person. I'd much rather be that than a negative person....*decides to change the subject*

I really wish I could see myself 5 years from now. I honestly have NO clue where I will be or what I will be doing with my life. Which pretty much tells me that I still haven't found myself. I'm too universal. Still haven't found my lane, I'm just swervin' all over the freeway. I would expect in 5 years that I'd be in my lane by then. Doing something that I love to do and really good at. I feel like a blank story book. No direction, no plot, no genre, but all the potential in the world......

I like that.. and on that note.... I'm going to end this. I hope you enjoyed reading some of the insane shit that runs through my head everyday. Have a good night......(Btw, not gonna reread this because I feel like if I do, I'll change everything and it will be totally different, so bare with any typos. I apologize)

AyVee

Well I'm finally back. There's nothing like home. Every time I leave town I realize that. That's me in that picture that's in Panama City Beach, Florida. It was a real good time down there and was just good to get away for a little bit. Some crazy things happened, though and I might even upload some videos on here for y'all lol.

Since I've been back things have been really good for me. Got a lot of hours from work, my moms been cooking for me a lot, and I've been chillin' with this girl that I've known for awhile but we never really had anything till we hung out down in Florida. I think me and her could be something really good, and I'm happy to finally be in some type of relationship with someone again, even though I was loving the single life.

We'll see how that goes. I just wanted to give y'all a quick update about everything. I'll be sure to post a lot more in the next 2 weeks than I have because I'm not going to be working that much (no hours ftl smh). Stay up everybody....

AyVee